I'm supposed to have a baby today

 3 weeks ago - that belly ain't just from brews.  Illinois represent!

 3 weeks ago - channeling my inner classy dame

3 weeks ago - the "regular" me... with perhaps one more chin than i used to have (and no ass)

Today is the official due date but it would seem that Tiny Dancer has, unfortunately, acquired my time management skills and not Damian's.  If she were more like her Dad she'd be here today, no if ands or buts.  Of course the day isn't over yet, only 11:15am, she still has time to kick it all into gear.  Go for it Tiny, send me into that dizzing world of hurt and get it over with.  Trust me kid, the farther from Christmas your birthday is the better.

The nursery is all ready and quite cozy.  If i could fit in that crib I'd be napping there no doubt!  

 Mr. Darcy has claimed the change table AND the bunny on the change table (true love)

love that chalkboard 

i can see forts being made under the shelves

We just need to get some art on the walls and a baby in the crib and voila!  Oh, we also need to do the floors for real.  They're so busted.  The previous owners painted the entire flooring upstairs white, which i liked when we moved in, but over the course of 6 years it has flaked and chipped and looks super ghetto.  We just painted it brown for the time being and hopefully next year we'll be able to lay all new sexy flooring.

I also had some fun screen printing onesies.  I need to do more, get back into silkscreening, i love it!

So yeah, just sitting here blogging, listening to 'Of Monsters and Men', and waiting.  I have an ultrasound appointment this afternoon to see if Tiny D needs to come out STAT or if she can in fact cook a bit longer.  I can only imagine I'm going to see her in there reading Fifty Shades of Grey or watching The Dark Knight Rises on Blu-Ray (coz if she's my kid she'll love herself a bit of Christian Bale fineness).  She'll be all "i'm cozy, shove off" and then i'll just stay pregnant forever.  I'd like my body back missus, please.

Oh shit, I still have to create a hospital playlist, need some tunes to scream over.  I don't have some novella of a birthing plan, my only "plan" is to get a safe & healthy baby out of me while remaining safe & healthy myself.  All I really want beyond that is music playing and a light atmosphere, people laughing.  I can pretty much scale any mountain as long as i have music and laughter.  Oh, and champagne.

Field Trip

 Stairwell.  If there was a banister it would be a stellar one to slide down

I hitched a ride into the city with Damian yesterday to take myself on a date to the AGO.  I hadn't been in way too long, since they did the big renovation.  I was looking forward to the sound of my feet echoing in those big rooms, off of the hardwood floors.  Was looking forward to that inspiring tingle I get in my stomach when I drift past all of that old oil paint sealed in ornate frames.

Tour group

I arrived right when they opened and it was fantastic, most of the time I was the only one in a space.  It was like having a private viewing.

Shadowy self

I found myself alone in a large atrium with great light streaming through, so you know, had to do the ubiquitous shadow shot.  Then I had a little sit down in that sunshine and admired the ivy crawling the old brick wall outside the window across from me.  Natures art.

My back couldn't hack it, it demanded a little rest

Sadly I didn't find the new space as inspiring as the old one.  The individual rooms just didn't have the warmth I remember.  Some of the spaces seemed a bit sparse or something, I can't fully explain it, there was just something missing.

 I love rooms like this one and below, frames upon frames, rich wall colour.  I like my art galleries and museums to be just as historical as the pieces housed inside.  Modern design has its place, obviously, I mean times and styles change but I guess I'm more into the traditional style.  I'm into cozy yo, I want to be bundled up in everything from sweaters to art.

Hello, darling Modi. Portrait of Mrs. Hastings by Amadeo Modigliani

I love Modigliani, he's one of my favourites.  I was so happy to walk in and see this hanging in front of me.  This portrait of Jeanne, his luvah and baby mamma, is probably my favourite.  My Dad gave me a huge framed print of it years ago saying she reminded him of me... this is why it's a fave.

Marchesa Casati by Augustus John

Ever since I was a kid this portrait of The Marchesa has intrigued/haunted me.  She's what I think of when I think of the art gallery, I look forward to her gazing straight through me every time I visit.  Look at those eyes, that fiery hair !  She holds me captive in front of her for so long.

Hot Wheels

Check out our new wheels, purrrr.  She handles like a dream and really opens up on the highway.  Seriously though, did I really just build a stroller?  I friggin did.  It was one of those "hit me" moments where i realized i was gonna be a Mum, gonna have a kid VERY soon.  Though it also means I can indulge in vino again VERY soon!  See those cup holes at the top by the handle?  Those are for travellers right, roadies?

Anyway, this little sexy wasn't too bad to put together.  I mean nobody is winning any literary awards for writing the instructions which consisted mainly of cipher-like images with "... snap" beside them.  As I attempted to figure out the exact angle they were trying to depict I began to rely more on my wits and that "snap!" sound for final outcomes.  Of course in all honesty it could be a user issue, I'm not much on an instruction manual kinda gal.  I usually try to put stuff together just by jumping in and chucking the manual to the side.  Damian suggested that maybe this time I could try using the manual since, after all, there would be precious cargo riding in it.  He had a point there.

As slick and modern as this hot ride is, I would still love to push the Tiny around in a spooky old, haunty, Victorian pram.  Still, this will do, it folds up pretty sweet and is much more practical for today's hustle bustle society.  Plus the car seat fits in it, snap!

Voila, avec car seat... and curious feline onlookers.  It didn't take long at all for one of the cats to end up chilling out in it.  Now I have kleenex boxes piled up in it so they don't get the seat all hairy.  Doesn't keep them out of the storage basket underneath though but that's fine, they can fort it up in there, that spot is just for the plethora of crap i'll be lugging around with me anyway.

I have to say that I'm shocked at myself for allowing me to take these photos in our kitchen.  You are now witness to the hideous cabinetry and linoleum floor I curse on a daily basis.  The joint needs a reno big styles!  Kitchen re-do is a big one though so it's on hold for a bit.  Besides, I think I did a pretty ok job masking the heinous with a Liz Taylor style vaseline vignette on the pics.  Romantic.

Paint, you joyful SOB

"The Earth Brought to Its Knees" - 30"x24" acrylic, oil pastel, pencil on wood panel

Damn I love painting.  Since being told to stay home now, by my doctor, I've had more time to do it too, whoot!  I hope to get my website up hella damn soon, I need a proper place to "hang" my work and get it out there.  This is going to be what I do while on mat leave (besides laundry), Tiny Dancer can chill in her playpen in my studio and get paint splatters on her..... until she's big enough to get into the paints herself.   This is hopefully what I do AFTER mat leave as well.

I need to research shipping larger pieces, packaging them up all cozy and secure, rates, and all that jazz.  Need to start moving some work to make way for more, it's piling up!

These are a few of my recent pieces.  The photos are slightly shameful, they could be way better.  I've been wanting to take the paintings outside to photograph them for my site, in ambient light, you know?  It's been a mad spell of rainy weather though so I've been shite out of luck in that department.  I heard a dirty rumour of sunshine this coming week so I'll get my arse out there and utilize the snot out of it before the snow comes (i love you, snow).

Using this post to start a board on Pinterest of my work (cheeky), I lose myself on that site daily.  Wanna follow me there?  Here I be!

"Going Deeper and Deep" - 18"x24" acrylic and pencil on wood panel

"Pattern for a Night Sky" - 30"x30" acrylic, oil pastel, pencil on gallery stretched canvas

Untitled - 36"x36" acrylic, oil pastel, pencil on wood panel

Untitled - 18"x36" acrylic, oil pastel, pencil on wood panel

Treasure hunting

sassy afro wig

Despite the fact that she keeps kicking me in the ribs, I figured I should clear a closet out for Tiny Dancer (her nickname, she's a mover & shaker and keeps my belly rockin') so she can keep her extensive wardrobe neat and tidy.  She's gonna have way more clothes than her Mum coz lets face it, little girl clothes are far more awesome than big girl clothes.

Anyway, today I tackled said closet.  It has been a storage unit since we moved into the house, the whole spare room has been really.  A place to put the "where should we put 'ems" I've been procrastinating this task for a long time.  Once I got into it things weren't all that bad, just look at some of the treasures I found!

 looks so natural, like REAL hair yo!

Wigs!  I found many wigs of fabulous styles.  Over many Halloweens we've managed to collect a nice assortment, you can never have too many wigs to be honest.

"Dot matrix with stereo sound" 

High end technical gadgetry.  Man i loved that thing, my sister and I each had one (she was more obsessed than I was, way better at it than me) and we brought them everywhere in their little carrying cases.

 naturally

Of course Mr. Darcy had to see what treasures he could find as well.  He found a newly emptied shelf with only a couple of handmade sweaters remaining on it.  In other words, a bed.

P.s. look at the state of the sag in that shelf.  Mr. Darcy will have you know it is NOT his weight causing the issue, he will tell you that he is quite svelte and will direct your attention to the fact that  he stays far away from foods such as donuts and beverages such as beer.

 stop your envy right now!

The sexiest boots this side of 1986.  The Duckman would be proud!  Let's get another view of those beauties...

Me-ow!

perish in a landfill, bastards

I also found MANY hangers, wire hangers forged by the devil himself.  I hate wire hangers.  They get all tangled up with each other and are just a general pain in my ass.  It's all about wood hangers people, nice sturdy, solid wood hangers. 

This is what gazed back at me before I started my quest.  The closet goes on beyond the door, to the right.  When you reach the end there's this mysterious box covered in carpet (the rest of the room is hardwood).  We discovered it when we moved into the house, it kind of creeped us out.  This room was used as the previous owners kids room so my Mum called it the punishment box.  Maybe it's where they sent their kid when he was bad.... to the back of a dark closet.  Nothing nightmarish or horror movie about that at all.

*question* is the Jason mask too much for a a little girls room?

Mr. Darcy likes it, I want to burn the evil ghosts out of it.  It may not look scary here, with a cuddly kitteh on it, but trust me, when you sit in there with the door shut and a row of clothes pushing you back further into the darkness..... well, it's not what I'd call a "happy place"

Knocked up

I guess it really wasn't some form of poisoning after all

In the beginning 

Let's start with Friday night, April 13.  It was one of those days at work, the ones that drive you to drink as soon as you step through the door at home.  Vodka shots were quicker than opening a bottle of wine right away, we started there to take the edge off.  A bottle of wine was then opened.  The night pretty much continued in that direction.

Saturday.  Damian had planned a surprise for me so we were up nice and early since it was about a 2 hour drive to the secret destination.  In the shower I started feeling sick, like "i'm gonna puke in here" kinda sick. So i did.  I thought I felt better but then it happened again before we left.  Great, I thought, guess I can't handle my booze anymore.  I was excited to learn of the surprise and Damian said it was too late to cancel, so on we drove. Along the way I lost count of the number of times i had to mumble "pull over" under that ever familiar lump in my throat climbing its way to freedom.  I barfed on an ant hill at one point, sorry ants.

You know that adrenaline rush of "phew i feel better" after you're sick to your stomach?  That part is awesome.  I had that part when Damian told me to close my eyes because we were getting close.  When he told me I could open them I was greeted by a giant hedge out the windshield, as i focused more two gorgeous, long, strong legs became apparent beyond the greenery.  Horses!  We were going horseback riding!  Hooray for excitement adrenaline now.  We signed our lives away on waivers, were suited up with helmets, and give our horses name.  Just as they were bringing our steeds over to mount us up upon I ran behind the barn to hurl again.  So pretty.  I was really worried about what the situation would look like if were to find the need to relieve my stomach while ON the horse.  I couldn't really just ask her to simply pull over.  Luckily, as soon as I was on the horse I felt a thousand times better.  I went the entire one hour ride without incident.  As soon as i got off the horse, barf.  I pretty much continued the trend the rest of the day.

Sunday.  Feeling a touch better, no desire to leave the house though.  I sat on my ass all day but I didn't puke, I was on top of the world!

Monday - Wednesday.  I was now in a serious and committed relationship with the toilet and convinced there was some form of poison flowing through my bod.  I called Damian at work and said "I think i need to see a doctor" to which he agreed.

Thursday.  I dragged my near-lifeless body into the car to go to a walk-in clinic, pretty much convinced I was never going to know what healthy felt like ever again.  I waited, and waited, paced by the bathroom door, and waited some more.  Finally the doctor called me in.  When i told him I was working on making barfing my profession the first question he asked me was "could you be pregnant?"  I said "Umm, I guess so, but isn't this a bit much for morning sickness?" (so i WAS a couple days late but i just thought it was due to stress, you know?).  He said there was a really hardcore flu bug going around but that he was going to test me for babies just in case.  A pee in a cup later he turned around and said "guess what?  you're gonna have a baby".

And that was that, unexpectedly expecting, knocked up good and proper.  Luckily I was prescribed a divorce from the toilet in the form of a little white pill.  If I didn't have those little guys to swallow every morning I'd still be a retching beast. 

You know what I can't wait for?  A friggin year off work!  Pretty sure I've already checked out mentally and I still have 5 months to go.

Listening to locks

Damian bought me this beautiful doorknob at Anthropologie a few years ago when we were in Las Vegas.  Sadly when we got home we realized it didn't fit the existing door to my studio (the door is some sort of cheap thing that came with the house when we bought it.  some kind of DIY gone poorly).  He installed it anyway and i said I could deal, it was so much prettier than the crappy brass thing that was already affixed.  From that day onward I've found myself getting locked in when I close the door to keep the cats out of my paint mess (they love to walk on my palette and leave paw prints throughout the house).  I twist spin turn the doorknob to no avail, it just seems to circle around and around until it finally pops off and leaves me locked in my studio staring questionably at a white door with a bubbled pink glass globe in my hand.

It used to tick me off but then I realized, is there any better place to get locked in?  Maybe it's a sign?  Every time I try to exit my studio I'm unable to.  I think the Universe (and Anthropologie?) is trying to tell me where I belong.

If I ever doubted the message the pink globed lock-in was giving me all I had to do was look closer at the spine of the door which revealed, upon photo upload, something I never noticed before. DEFIANT.  I can't tell you how much i love that.  It's so fitting.  Time to get myself fired/laid off.

White space

There's nothing quite like a blank canvas.  Equally full of possibilities and fear at the same time.

On the way

Coming soon; me finally getting my shit together AND, my own website!

It's my birthday!

I love birthdays, even my own.

Stitches

The other day I went out to look for some new clothes.  Now, I dislike shopping, I'd even go so far as to say i hate it.  Hate is a strong word but man, shopping is a drag... unless I'm out hunting art supplies, then it's wonderful.

I'm at the point where i NEED to shop though, all of my clothes are literally falling apart.  Every time i put a shirt on I seem to find a hole, my jeans (that don't already have holes in the knees) are thinning at a mad pace.  Even my socks look up at me when I put them on and ask why they haven't been put out of their misery yet.

So yes, I went out the other day to spend some Christmas monies I generously received.  What I was greeted with was bland, lifeless, boring cloth bits trying to pass themselves off to me as what I wanted to occupy my closet with.  What happened to colour?  Bold, vivacious, lovely colour?  Why is everything shades of grey, dark blue, black, and beige?  I don't think I've ever yawned so much.  Even if there was a splash of colour it was muted so much I could feel the embarrassment of the fabric in my fingertips as i held it for 4 seconds, contemplating its worth before putting it back on the rack.  Even the cuts and styles were drab and boring, so la dee dah and "but everyone is wearing it darling".  I'm beginning to realize I'm not "everyone".  The main spark that generally sets me out to poach the perfect outfit is an image or idea in my head of what I'd like to find in the fashion desert/jungle. Oddly enough I never do find what my mind has created for me.  What's the deal with that?

I'm thinking I need to learn how to sew, like every other woman in my fam.  I'm surrounded by fantacular ladies who know their way around a bobbin yet i remain a dunce on the subject .  I spent my childhood summers pulling pins out of my feet in my grandparents Florida apartment (my sister & I slept in our Grandmas sewing room) and I think I need to put those metaphorical pins to use.   It's the only way I'll ever be able to manifest what my mind thinks is right for me.  My (dream) creations won't be some crazy new design, they'll pretty much be based on a solid 1920's foundation.  My wardrobe demands these basics;

* colour

* sparkle

* comfort

* shy sexiness

* swish

* fun

* imagination

* wonderment

* personality

* ribbon(s)

* me

With those basics sewn into reality I will accessorize with loose, broad, storytelling jewellery.  Lots of bangles that jingle about as I sip champagne...like my Grandma.  

Amuse Bouche

 You know my last post, about buying red lipstick?  Well that got me chatting with my friend Maria-Therese who also just started glamming in red.  She said "why don't people decorate their lips with motifs etc?" This got us into a little project, a lip art documentary project.  We're both artists so why not use our own faces as a canvas, or parts of our faces anyway.  The lips are such a sensual part of a woman's face and lend a small but lovely space for decoration.  It's another play in being BOLD!

This is my first attempt at creating lip art on myself (see one of Maria-Therese's here.  *side note* aren't her eyes simply gorgeous?!?!!)

My mind is a flutter with ideas, I've never been a make-up girl but i'm now longing to supply myself with a palette of palpable colours.

Another aid in my exploration of me, this project will help with my self portrait plan. It gives me a reason to take photos of myself.

Towards Bold

I bought red lipstick.  Going from nothing more than lip balm or gloss, just to keep my lips nice and soft, this was a bright shock when I first smoothed it on.  I've gotta say, red lipstick is tricky to put on, it's very noticeable when it goes beyond the lip line and ends up looking rather clown like.  When I tried to get the clownish spillover off a slight ghost remained in a faint pinky stain. I worked away at it, managed to get rid of the haunting and ended up with a more romantic, and much less foolish look. A type of whimsical heart shape appeared.

The other day the idea popped into my head that I wanted to buy a bright res lipstick.  I'm not sure where it came from, i never wear lipstick.  I'm thinking it's all a part of my subconscious's plan to be more bold, to be willing to stand out a bit more instead of hiding in the background.  Essentially be more "me", be more of the person I feel is floating around inside myself bumping into walls and getting tangled in the brambles I've put up for some reason. 

In another move to clear cut the inner tangles and get used to seeing my "self" I'm going to play with self-portraiture more.  I always hate pictures of myself, I'd rather be behind the camera.  Another way of being in the background you see.

Should be fun.  Experimental. Opening.

Play

Above is the first painting i started in this new year of 2012.  It's drying.  It will be drying for a while.  I'm loving oils but i get restless waiting for them to dry.

I dove into the gorgeous oil set Damian gifted to me at Christmas and just played, fought the voices telling me I should have something in mind before i started, the voices that tried to control the brush and palette knife.  Many times I heard "you know that's total crap right?" and often I found myself believing it, yet i continued on.  I had to kindly say, out loud, to my inner critic "screw off!"  I mean what does it know anyway?  It's just a spectral thought, it doesn't even exist on a tangible plain yet it feels it can control me.  It's like a bully really, just power tripping, probably compensating for something it feels its lacking.  I know i'll continue battling with it, but I'm pretty sure I'll kick its ass.

I left the painting, as it looks above, and went downstairs to watch a movie with Damian.  When I came up to go to bed I peeked in on it to show it to D.  I liked it.  I just needed to see it with fresh eyes.  Amanda 1, inner critic 0.

I'm not sure what will happen next on it, it's an adventure waiting to happen... once the first layer is dry.